This is what my Mum told me last time she was in my kitchen, shaking me back and forth in a lovingly exacerbated way after watching me do something that would normally be described as OCD.  We’d had a few wines though so she told me to stop being Australia’s Greatest Ever Rock Band instead.

For as long as I can remember I’ve dabbled in a bit of the AC/DC: a comfortable fringe dweller in the healthy garden variety camp of obsessive behaviour.

At different junctures of life, I’ve picked up and put down different AC/DC activities. As a 3 year old, for instance, I enforced strict guidelines around the process of sock putting-on.  Perfect toe corner placement was of the highest imperative and when someone else is in charge of putting your socks on (that was my Mum) achieving the strived for perfection could prove quite the gruelling task for both parties involved.  After sock obsession, it was even number light flicking, chased closely by the somewhat less jubilant need to follow every good night with see you in the morning in a telepathic effort to guard against the death of an irreplaceable loved one in the night.

Today, I’m valiantly committed to wasting precious seconds of my days turning things on so I can turn them off.  If I’ve got the people-free space at the station and can bothered to do it, I like to position myself directly in the centre of the facing billboard while I wait for my train. I could write a book about the adventures of furniture alignment.

Clearly, I’m dealing with AC/DC tendencies that lend themselves largely to the pursuit of balance and perfection.

A bit like my friend at the Neatest Ever Ezy Mart in the World. Me and one of my girls had the pleasure of stumbling upon this Scandinavian-stark-white-clinic-like establishment a few weeks ago in between drinks. We perused the store, marvelling at wares like we were on a tour of the Palace of Versailles – reaching out but knowing we shouldn’t touch. Standout features include a 12×8 Allen’s lolly wall that would rival Tetris in an alignment challenge and armies of obedient chocolate bars that could only get that plastic-sheen perfect through polish. We did discover a few cleaning products that were out of place in the back room, but we straightened them up for him. As we reluctantly made our way out of this wondrous suburban phenomena, Ezy Mart man assured us that it wasn’t just us – he gets many compliments from many patrons. A proud band member of the AC/DC elite.

I went to high school and later university with a clever, very funny girl who one day at lunch recounted to a group of us her routine of the moment: The Tea Challenge. I can’t recall all the exact details but it essentially involved a highly organised sequence of mandatory tea-making steps and a monumental race against time – the kettle boil was her deadline. I’ve never graduated to anything quite that elaborate, but I could certainly relate. I have another friend who cleans the soap with soap.

Recently as I was taking an excessive amount of care distributing knives and forks evenly across the different sized compartments of the plastic cutlery thing in my dishwasher, I had a thought: is Single Life aiding and abetting my AC/DC? A reflective years-gone-by Obsession Analysis revealed interesting results. The boyfriend and men decades of the Teens and 20’s dished up a distinct lack of attention or time for obsession-fest. Rewind to the 80’s though and there’s carefree single little me in my 3’s with all the time in the world to create and defeat The Sock Challenge Daily. Today, it’s carefree single me in my 30’s up against all-new and exciting challenges. The carefree part’s a little more debatable though and granted, my concerns have definitely shifted from socks.

Hmm. Of this one I was unsure. Could that really be the AC/DC elixir? A chaotic husband and unaware children who innocently rob me of my supreme genetic disposition to achieve a five star level living environment, all-encompassing attention to creating soul-calming symmetry and a general aesthetic beauty in as many relevant scenarios as possible?

I know spent Wives and worn out Mums like to escape to day spas and weekend retreats to eat raw food and do yoga. If anyone’s looking for me, I’ll be at the Ezy Mart.

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